Let me tell you the situation. Just… let me TELL you! I was having a hard day, things were starting to close in and I was feeling just a little bit, stressed. I was driving in my car, listening to the plight of the teenager, and how difficult life is for them. I was listening to how school is hard, and how relationships are trying.
-insert eye twitch-
I began to tell said nameless teenage daughter who will remain nameless, that I too have school and I am going to school with student loans. Said nameless child said these words to me, “You made that choice.”
-insert blink-
I would like to say that it ended there, nope it continued. “You made the choice to wait until your kids were grown to go to school . . .”, she continued however I could not. My mind was reeling. “Are You Kidding Me?”. Well, that really was not what I was thinking but I am trying to refrain from using profanity, as one other daughter has expressed she does not like that type of language. Anywho, back to the matter at hand.
I took about five breaths before speaking. For the simple fact that I was prepared to channel my mother and knock said nameless child though her next three lifetimes, but be proud, I did not. I just sat there and thought. And, answered that question. “Yes, I did!” I did put my education and everything that I wanted to accomplish as a adult on hold for my kids.
I guess what got me was that those 4 words felt like a punch to my soul. It felt like , “You didn’t have to”, “No one asked you to”, you get the idea. And, she was right. No, I did not have to do what I did, but I did. Sure this child and I had a long Come to Jesus, talk about why she said what she did, and how it made me feel. And, how what I said made her feel and why I said what I did. Because, it seems that what I had said to her made her feel like she was unimportant.
We both ended up coming away with a better perspective of how the other felt. Our communication is a lot better after this incident. We still have screaming matches, we still bicker, we are WAY too much alike for everything to be hunky dory 24/7, but we are friends, now. It’s a work in progress to make friends with your adult children of whom I have three. It’s not easy and, even when they are adults you still feel like you fail them everyday, but it’s so worth it.
My mom always told me, I cannot be your friend I’m your mom. While I get why she said this, I have never agreed with it. Your best friends, those who really care for you, are the first ones to pull out the mother attitude and tell you about yourself. They are the ones who care about you enough to tell you the truth when no one else will. I love friends like these. Do you?
Are You Kidding Me? 