Three months later…

After my epiphany in August, I got busy. Not your normal type of busy, but the type of busy where you just don’t want to move forward. I look back on my Facebook, blog, IG, etc posts and see where I’m wanting an inward change but, when it is time to really do it, REALLY do it, I freak out and shut down.

Is it the fact I am lazy, no because I really want this change. I want to be different. Is it the fact I cannot do it; no again I can do this. I’ve come to the conclusion, I’m scared. I am frightened to make these changes because they are so outside my comfort zone, err rut.

Is it because I care what people think? Nope, if I cared what people think I would have curled up into a ball at age 7 or 8 and died. Am I afraid of the work involved, no I think I kinda like that part.

I am afraid of failure, I’m really good at whatever I put my mind to. Not boastful, it is a simple truth. But, I think I am afraid of that one thing that I cannot master. Like running into one thing that I cannot do, what would happen? I really never wanted to find out.

Now, I find myself back here thinking of true mental change, and what I want, and I’m tired, not terrified. I am tired of being in the same place, on the cusp of change. I’m like Lysa Terkeurst when she was holding on wanting to jump, but afraid of the fall. She had a rope but, it did not feel like enough. But, she was and is more that enough. She is a powerful angel in the lives of so many. I WANT THAT!

I want someone to be inspired by my life, not look at it and see something mediocre. I want to be this beautiful flawed creature, that helps someone in pain fly. I want my pain, my past, my mistakes to be so meaningful they can not EVER be ignored.

Hooo RAR! Right? So now to begin. I have been working on some short stories about my youth for a book call SNF (So Not Fair). I think I am going to pick it back up and, write more. Maybe I will take time and think about how I want my impact, I had been terrified to post video’s but maybe now is the time to post something

Put your left foot in, Pull your left foot out…

Okay, so maybe you will have the hokey-pokey in your head for a while, but that is how I feel. Let me explain.

I adore magazines, all of them! I have probably a foot tall pile every month. It’s my chakra, my relaxation. It is just “my thing”. I will play a wonderful movie and flip pages for hours. Here is where my feet come into play. I feel like I need to go to all digital editions, and give up my paper. One foot in the present and one in the past. I cannot help it, I’m so conflicted!

I don’t use DVD’s (I have streaming from my cable provider, hulu, amazon prime, apple movies, and Netflix!), so I’m hip deep in the present for that. Although if I cannot access my subscriptions I get a bit grouchy! But, to give up my Magazines?? I am not sure I possess the willpower. I have the online versions too, but I still relax with paper. There is just something about flipping those pages. What is a girl to do?

P.s. I don’t throw them away, I did once, it was horrible I sent boxes to the recycle bin, I cried. I just cannot do it. If you ever need a 2014 Vogue I’m your girl! Sometimes, I think that we have become a bit too digitized and we need to be more hands on with things. Well that and I cannot make myself part with them 😉

Xoxo Wendy

My Purpose

I do not know about you, but on a daily basis I find myself sitting back thinking, “Are You Kidding Me?”. I will sit there and contemplate what has just happened and, be dumbfounded, giddy, angry, or on the verge of tears. And, I will think to myself, “Self, I cannot be the only person who thinks this way!?” Now you know the purpose of this blog. All those things that make me think AYKM? I plan on sharing those moments with you. Maybe together we can find purpose, meaning, and the point of it all.

So, do tell and drop a line. What are your, “Are You Kidding Me?” Moments?