Three months later…

After my epiphany in August, I got busy. Not your normal type of busy, but the type of busy where you just don’t want to move forward. I look back on my Facebook, blog, IG, etc posts and see where I’m wanting an inward change but, when it is time to really do it, REALLY do it, I freak out and shut down.

Is it the fact I am lazy, no because I really want this change. I want to be different. Is it the fact I cannot do it; no again I can do this. I’ve come to the conclusion, I’m scared. I am frightened to make these changes because they are so outside my comfort zone, err rut.

Is it because I care what people think? Nope, if I cared what people think I would have curled up into a ball at age 7 or 8 and died. Am I afraid of the work involved, no I think I kinda like that part.

I am afraid of failure, I’m really good at whatever I put my mind to. Not boastful, it is a simple truth. But, I think I am afraid of that one thing that I cannot master. Like running into one thing that I cannot do, what would happen? I really never wanted to find out.

Now, I find myself back here thinking of true mental change, and what I want, and I’m tired, not terrified. I am tired of being in the same place, on the cusp of change. I’m like Lysa Terkeurst when she was holding on wanting to jump, but afraid of the fall. She had a rope but, it did not feel like enough. But, she was and is more that enough. She is a powerful angel in the lives of so many. I WANT THAT!

I want someone to be inspired by my life, not look at it and see something mediocre. I want to be this beautiful flawed creature, that helps someone in pain fly. I want my pain, my past, my mistakes to be so meaningful they can not EVER be ignored.

Hooo RAR! Right? So now to begin. I have been working on some short stories about my youth for a book call SNF (So Not Fair). I think I am going to pick it back up and, write more. Maybe I will take time and think about how I want my impact, I had been terrified to post video’s but maybe now is the time to post something

Getting back on the band wagon

So I used to… ever had a day like this? Where you are thinking about that time where you got in shape, where you started something that felt good, and that was good for you?

I have done that … A LOT, and I find myself on this last week of August doing it again. Sure my health isn’t perfect and maybe that is part of it, but really what is at the heart of it, is my soul. My heart, well both

I want to be at peace, so I have started my spiritual journey, made a few other kinds of decisions and today I did one of my favorite things. Swimming. I love to swim, about as much as I love to read, tea or chocolate.

And, boy did it feel good. I so enjoyed it, maybe it is the start of a new trend, maybe not. I am not going to stress myself out trying to figure it out. I am just going to take all of these decisions day by day, rather than putting out goals I know I cannot reach.

I will be sure to let you know how it goes.

Monday Musing- Hot day in June

Well, I guess I cannot deny it any longer. Summer WEATHER is here. It’s Kansas City in Summer which means one thing, humidity. Thank the ever living LORD for A/C. Honestly, it makes this time of year bearable. Knowing you can go play out in the heat and, then can jump into a nice cool home. Not, everyone has A/C some people have to brave the heat, and my prayers are with them. Weather can be so dangerous without looking dangerous you know what I mean?

You think August as the hottest days, and that is not true. Whenever all that southern heat decides to invade us northerners it gets uncomfortable. I know my Oklahoma and Texas friends are looking at my post thinking that I don’t know what true heat misery is. Nope I do not and I dun wanna.

I wanna be cool, I love snow! I like Fall, Spring and Winter. All right, I like Summer and the warmth a lot more than I used to. I liked it when I was a kid when I could stay in a pool 24/7 and keep cool that way. That was always the best part of being a latch key kid at the Nor Valley YMCA (gone now but not forgotten). Oh, what was I talking about? Summer, right!

OH I took a summer pic this morning, no makeup but, otherwise pretty cool I think, yea i need to get the brows tamed a bit, maybe! But the point is that i’m here and healthy enough to post. Sometimes I miss that, I want perfection, and that is just not a reality! Self love #loveme

What An AMAZING Saturday

There is so much to tell, such a wonderful day!

I started early at a friend’s house making bookmarks with pressed flowers they all turned out so well. I met some new ladies and got to hang out with mah friends. It was a bit nerve-racking getting the flowers to stay in the right place but, it worked out so well!

While on the way home, The hubs say’s HEY! there is a British Car show at Crown Center, let’s go. I thought, that is a great idea so away we go!!

Zoom like the pic? I loved these cars!!!

Okay, so we walk down there and really enjoy the cars! The grandson thought they were really cool. And were we done? NOPE, we decided to walk the Link (a set of over-street bridges that connect Crown Center with Union Staton). Once at Union Station, we hop on the KC Streetcar and head North.

Yeah it was hot!

We rode the streetcar all the way to the City Market (KC River Market) and we had a lot of fun, we saw Spiderman (there is a nice guy who dresses up as Spiderman and thrills the kids it’s pretty awesome) https://www.instagram.com/kcspiderman/ if you are interested!

Then while there, we got a bit hungry and thirsty, which brings me to our next picture

Rooster Nachos & Blue Long Island Iced Tea

Home

Yea this place!!!

Okay, after that we hopped on a very full streetcar and headed back the way we came.

OH WAIT I forgot about the heart, yup another pic VV right there.

In front of Steamboat Arabia

Then we headed back and walked the link to Crown center, and did a bit of shopping! We were in Function Junction (every time I hear that I’m transported back to my young days and Sat Morning School House Rock, function junction what’s your conjunction) ANYWAY, while in there the grandson knocks a table, and bam, tumblers go to the floor, and a lid cracks. So, I buy it! I think it will be my favorite cup ever. They couldn’t find the straw that went with it, it went walkabout when he knocked it over. I didn’t care I have TONS of straws 😀

It’s pink! And I gave it a Starbucks swirly straw

https://www.facebook.com/fjculinary if you are interested, they have been in business for over 40 years and they are local, AND they are a woman-based business. They have all kinds of cool events too. You should go!

HAHAHAHA no, we’re not done.

We jumped in the car and headed south braving the new tracks for the streetcar @janolin we went past your old house it hasn’t changed.

And, we ended up at the Plaza. Did I mention it was HOT? Boi oh BOI!

We walked around saw two more hearts

Over by Bistro

In front of Made By KC, I missed the one in front of Barnes and Noble

After that we went to the laundromat (dryer broke new one due 7/28/22 fingers crossed) and dinner! We also liberated some clearance plants from Walmart they looked better after watering!!

Just Because… Should You?

Okay, here is the disclaimer… I DO THIS, not the point of this post. This post is to perhaps open someone’s mind, even mine, to change! So no hate mail saying “BUT you did that last week”

Here we go. I have been telling my girls the last few years, “Just because you know it’s true, does not mean it should fly out of your mouth. ” I know your thinking, but uh sure it should. But, really should it?

Think about all the fights you have been in all the arguments, the one consistent thing was that you were trying to convince them that what you think is right, but what you probably don’t get in these situations and what we all miss, that is also what the other person is trying to do.

Think about it, Your view is your view, it’s a personal theory about subject matter based on your experience. Think about this, it’s the same for the other person in the argument. They are thinking the same mechanics you are. I know this is true because of this experience, and that solved problem, etc.

Also, if you find someone who is hot on the other side, or you are, they are NOT listening to you. They have but one mission, one purpose, one mission in that argument, to be right, to be the victor! Honestly, when we (and yes ME) are in this mode, we are NOT listening. So the point to consider is when you realize you are in this situation what do you do?

Best Case – stop and tell the other person you are in that situation and see if they will also calm themselves enough to have a lighter conversation

Next Best – make a joke and try and lighten the mood, sometimes this works others it makes more issues

What I do- run and hide and don’t engage in the conversation, to begin with!

All kidding aside, the best we can all do is try and realize that if two people are in an argument, try and find a middle ground.

And, honestly, sometimes you have to gauge the relationship, what matters most the argument? (continue on :/) Or the person? If it is the person you have to concede defeat EVEN if you are not wrong and let them have it. perhaps you can fight again under better terms and conditions.

I know not a really positive outcome but, you live and you still have your friend. Right?

Ah yes, another road rage story

Let me tell you what happened yesterday to me on my way home. I was heading down a pretty busy street when the person in front of me stopped suddenly, I looked over and saw I could fit in the lane next to me and dodged over into that lane quickly. It was exhilarating, to say the least, there was just enough room, and when I say just enough room, I mean like an inch. I was so scared. I calmed myself and continued to drive down the tree-lined streets.

Now, what I didn’t know was this little SUV behind me, you know with the inches between her/him and me. I had apparently scared, irritated, insert your own adjective here. Now it’s spring, I love trees so I’m clearly oblivious to their anger. Also, I have to point out that the truck in front of me was doing JUST the speed limit. While that did not bother me in the slightest, it might have made this situation worse.

Anyway, I get a bit further on my route and I move into another lane. This SUV speeds past like it’s on fire and I’m wondering if the truck and I have delayed it and I start to wonder if maybe that car is angry. But, what people think of you is none of your business right? So I have to get behind this SUV for a few blocks.

Here is where it gets interesting. We pull to a light I need to turn at, right? I move to turn and I look up to see this driver is giving me the finger. See I know it was meant for me because there was no one else around. That got me thinking.

I continued to drive down through tree lines streets thinking, I drove 2200 miles in the last, through five states, AND Atlanta and no one had ever even honked at me. Here on my way home in my own city, I’ve pissed someone off. How retched!!

To the person I irritated, I’m sorry it was not my intention!

To everyone else, this situation has made me pause. Sure I’ve had a lot of road rage in my day. I have combat driven as well, but not perfect. But, when I’m in those situations I really do not think about the other person. Did they mean to cut me off? Are they blocking me for a reason? What is their motivation? The next time I’m in this situation I kid you not, I am going to attempt to put myself in their shoes and see if maybe something unrelated to me is going on. And give them a bit of MERCY and try not to get mad.

Let’s face it I’m not going to succeed all the time, but at least my heart is in the right place, right?

…Happy

… Happy, really are you kidding me? What does that even mean?

The more I look into this vague word, the more I learn this answer is different for everyone.

Money, fame, etc, and so on. but, is that happy?

The more I think about it the more tired I get. The more anxiety grabs hold and won’t let go. Is happy supposed to be elusive? HA! It is or is it?

Another thing I’m learning is that it depends on your point of view. What you see your world is, determines your attitude to it. That sounds like a quote doesn’t it? I googled it and could not really find an owner so if you find one let me know otherwise, “I claim this quote for the planet Mars!” or wait that’s Marvin the Martian.

But, the quote is true. If you see your day is bad, it’s very likely it will be. If you see your day slipping and you slip with it, you will go cascading down the spiral mudslide like Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas. At the end, one thought it was a good ride and the other was traumatized. It is all .. .really all in how you look at it.

I read a devotion this morning about a woman who lost her house to a fire. Life-changing yes, traumatic yes sir! But, it was a positive experience for her. She saw it as freeing. A change to start again. I AM NOT THAT BRAVE!

Or, am I ? I look back at the experiences in my life and although I did wallow in some circumstances, I did not wallow in all. In fact, in the end, I did not wallow in any. I picked myself up, or was pulled up, or pulled kicking and screaming but, I did it.

None of it was easy. But, anything in life worth doing is never easy, (I know that one is a quote).

Oh right, a point! I knew I had one!

What was it? Life is what you make it? No, that’s not it? Life is how you see it? Maybe, that was it?

Honestly, life is what you think plus what you see divided by reality. What you see plus what you think divided by what is actually there gives you life. That sounds like a good place to start. What about what you feel? And, how about what you do? It gets all jumbled, doesn’t it?

How about happiness in life is what you feel plus how you look at the situations in that life. Rather than trying to complicate it with all the outside forces how about, we figure happy as to how I feel and what I see? And, then we realize that the feeling of happy is specific to us at this second on this planet.

Meaning that happy is not universal, and there is no one size fits all. I think that we are on to something with it. Happy is a very very personal thing. I don’t think you could ever really share your version of happy with anyone else. I think we should enjoy our version of happy anyway we can take it. Maybe it’s a brief second of a sunrise, a cup of really good tea (ok, coffee), or the purr of a cat, a yip of a dog and anything in between.

You find your happy and enjoy it, I know i’m going to enjoy mine. May you have several happy’s today!!

PS Grammarly wanted to change my happy to happiness, I don’t think that is right I want one instance of happy to enjoy at a time, so I know that it IS happiness. Then I can move on the more than one happiness of life!!

Your opinion could be right….

I saw a cartoon in the paper the other day that had an old man labeled 2021 walking out and a baby in a whirlwind trying to hang on. The caption said something to the effect of “hang on kid”. It was in the KC Star, probably on a political page. One thing I did in 2021 is get a print subscription to the paper. It is pretty expensive, but it is very worth it. It would pay for itself if I used the coupons which is what I intended to do, one of the many reasons I started taking the paper. Another reason was to try and get a full snapshot of what is going on.

So many times we watch the news and read the paper and we forget that these programs are the viewpoints of others. When someone is reporting the news they are doing it through the lens of their life. Their viewpoint. We all need to remember, that the viewpoint being offered might not be the one we really want with that being said, here is the following.

I have agreed with Anderson Cooper, with Tucker Carlson, with Abraham Lincoln, with Stonewall Jackson, with Maya Angelou (I tend to agree with her more than anyone except Pope Benedict), and so on. The point is that not every person is completely evil, nor are people completely good. We are all fallible human beings, prone to utter things based on things we have learned in our lives.

No, I do believe there is evil in this world, and I believe there are wonderful people too. I think the choices you make are evil or good, not you, yourself. So what is the point of this? Simple, our viewpoint is based on our life experience. If you find someone who has a different viewpoint than you do, you should ask them why they believe the way they do, and then actually sit and listen. More than likely if you had the life that person had, you would believe the way they do. But, you haven’t, true. You could also respect that person’s life.

So many times in this world we sit back and down others saying that they are wrong. Which they are wrong, from our point of view. Also, you are wrong from their point of view. That does not mean that you cannot listen and glean something from what they feel is true. You just have to want to. Most of us don’t. I don’t either most of the time if I’m honest. I like being right, I like having the knowledge, it feels well powerful. It really doesn’t mean I’m powerful it just means I know a lot. To all those I’ve acted superior to, I dreadfully apologize, and I concede you are right.

Maybe that is the point, to grow and understand. To realize that your viewpoint is not really the right one, maybe there is no right one. Maybe it is only an opinion with what is right, right now. Tomorrow with new information it might change. It makes me scratch my head and sit back bewildered asking “Are you kidding me?”

Maybe I do need to go to law school …lol

..And that is that

Okay term over, or it has been since the end of October. Also, something very interesting. I got a couple of comments that I spelled nieve wrong. Thanks! Now, if I could only find the post so I could fix it! (but, I promise I have turned on Grammarly)

I did start a new book, not reading it but writing it. I am only a few chapters in and it’s interesting material. As soon as I am sure I know where I am going I will post an excerpt or two.

Now that Christmas is over, it’s time to pack away all those things that are associated with it. I am a bit sad because there are things that I really liked seeing and using. But, I suppose putting them up for another year gives me the space for new decorations. I just hope they do not get misplaced like a bunch of my christmas decorations did last year. I still don’t know where they are! I cannot be the only person that has happened to!

Oh right back to the topic, so what’s next. I think everyone has asked me that, and I’m really not sure. There really is law school or a master’s degree in archival studies.

But, for now, I’m really going to rest and enjoy just being. It took me about 7 years to get my BA. I think I will finish the year reading and relaxing with the grandson. Maybe plotting something new, you never know!!

I really am a wonderful writer, I promise!

You know there are a lot of things that I do not excel at but, there are a few I do. Math, i’m really wonderful at and I get it but, I really don’t like it. I don’t like the exactness of it. I like rough edges. I am for lack of a better word in love with words.

I love writing, I adore phrases that speak to my bone marrow. I love reading and watching stories play out so I can adapt them for myself. Taking nuggets like this one from Penny Dreadful, “A endless ribbon of words” I LOVE that. But, it being something that I adore, and that helps define me I don’t do it often. I do not write much. For the last few years I have only written for school. Mind you I enjoyed it and the feedback.

It made me a stronger writer. It also helped me understand that I have to convey my thoughts fully for someone to “get it”. Making well developed ideas is something that I sometimes lack. I think anyone who knows me says that sometimes I start in the middle. Well, like some stories that is where things get interesting. Then after you get one point across you can go back and do prequels!

Yet I digress, the point of this post was my apologies for not writing as much as I could. I get so caught up in other things that I don’t even think about it. And, I honestly miss it. I miss writing about life. So, I am going to start trying to write it again. More often, and more indepth. I’m also going to work on my book as soon as my term is over (I can hear Ardath cheer) lol…

My book you ask? It’s something I started a few years ago for an english class. if you are a member of my Jannis Elizabeth Piersee group on facebook you can find it there someplace (grins). But, it’s time to dust it off and get going with the plot while I can still remember what it was! I ‘ll post some teasers on this blog and etc and so on ;/!

Much ❤