When is enough?s

How many times in your life have you decided how you were and what you were doing were just not how you should be? How many times in your life have you decided to change that? Lots, once? For me, it’s LOTS. Every time I turn around I get, you should do this not that. Be like this, not that. That is not healthy stop it! I’m at the point that I really am saying, “Are you kidding me”?

I watched Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle yesterday and it made me think, it had a reoccurring theme. One life, just one. We all have just one life. I am always kicking myself for the things I think I should be doing, places I should be going, and the habits I should be breaking, but don’t. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve made a lot of progress. I quit smoking, I’ve lost a little poundage, made a few baby steps into being a social butterfly. Point is while I’m kicking my own butt, I really am quite okay. And, that is what we all want to be, okay.

I made the Deans list last semester, and it almost killed me. But, I did it and it’s going on my resume. Along with being an honor society Greek girl. I think my problem is I don’t stop long enough to evaluate where I have come from. I think my problem is I’m so focused on getting to the finish line, looking ahead, I don’t appreciate the journey.

That journey is the point. And, I will tell you I’m not digging it. I am kicking my own butt, and being horrible to everyone (sorry btw), and just being miserable. So, sigh… chalk up another habit that needs to go the way of the dodo. It’s okay though, This might be a fun one to break. I posted a picture of Wednesday Adams as my spirt animal yesterday, it was meant to make people laugh. But, it’s true, I do not smile, and that needs to change, soon. Maybe not today, but slowly I will do this.

Does anyone else have this issue? Or, is it just me?

😉 Loves and Kisses,

This is my happy face …. for now 😉

Dreams

“I do not think you should do that!”

“You might get hurt!”

“You are nuts for wanting to do that!”

“What are you going to do with your degree?”

1. Of course I should not do it. But, I feel the pull to explore those areas of the world that captivate me.

2. Of course I might get hurt, but it wouldn’t be worthwhile to do it unless there was some risk. And, it would not captivate me!

3. Sanity is in the eyes of the beholder! I think it is crazy to do the same thing for 40 years and consider that happiness when you hate your job!

4. I have no idea, faith is a gift and I am walking toward my destiny and God, where that takes me, I’ve not a clue but I have a general idea it is to tell the world about my experiences!

Now, question is how to do it? Not a lot of people form my background get to do what I want to do. So, I realize it is going to be a fight. I will find a plan because telling me I cannot do it is the same as telling me to do it. I think “Are you kidding me?” Of course I can do this and just to prove it can be done, I will do it!!

I miss my friend…

You know I have a friend of mine who has gone through some bad times latley. Let me tell you about them. First, he was born to a poor family. A religious family, but very poor. He learned and he grew up. This friend of mine thought that people would be better off if they just loved each other. If they were just, you know decent. That is the kind of life he leads. He just wanders and touches peoples lives trying to make them just a little better. It’s just who he is. Well, the town he lives in is in the Bible Belt and they have very strict rules of what you can and cannot do, and they expect everyone to live by them, if not you get in serious trouble. They still have no stores open on Sunday, they all just go to church and go home.

My friend is not like that, he wants to help people no matter what day of the week it was. He pulls people together to work on Sunday. This church hates this idea and they have started to plot against him. My friend doesn’t seem to care he just keeps doing what he does. Helping people and loving them. No one can get him to understand that the church is out to get him, my friend is so unconcerned with the trouble he is in.

Well this past Friday, the church got with the local sheriff and arrested the man. While he was in custody, he was beaten and beaten badly. He was whipped and spit on, mocked and made fun of. The church leaders were a part of this abuse and condoned it. They were so sick of my friend trying to change things, especially on Sunday. In the end, they killed him. His broken, bloody, welted, ripped body was given to bury. No human being should ever have to endure this kind of torture. My friend did. I miss him so much. I can still hear him talking in my ear. He says, “Just love them. They need it more than anyone else.” He’s right of course these people who killed my friend need love.

My friend died because he loved someone other than himself. My friend died because he cared about someone else’s suffering. My friend died because he cared more about loving someone than the “rules” that would stop something as great as love.

It’s not fair, but then again life isn’t fair is it?  As I ask, “Are You Kidding Me?”, the question is, have you heard of my friend? Do you know who he is?

The future is now…

Have you ever heard that phrase? The future is now? I used to think growing up that it would be a long time before I would be in the future. But, Not Kidding, it really is now. Just think of it, 15 years ago there was no such thing as an I Phone. We were all enamored with portable CD players and huge clunky cell phones. Wow, has the world really evolved that much?

Every book ever written (just about) is now at your fingertips. Every newspaper too. No longer do you have to sit in a dank basement looking up files, or microfiche. Now, you can research your family online, you can solve any problem, and learn how to make, unmake or construct anything with just a few keystrokes.

I keep saying it’s amazing to myself, but that is not it. It’s like every other stepping stone in civilization, a step. Just a bit more dramatic than others. Although I’m sure those who were alive when the printing press was invented thought that was the cusp of mankind.

Bills, Bills, Bills . . .

It is not just a lovely little song that Loren introduced me to years ago. This is the story of my life, and I seriously have to ask Are You Kidding Me?

You see I audited my debit card over the last month and found out my money seems to fall out a hole called “App Games” So sad! I realize the trap. I am playing a game and winning and I don’t want to lose or, I want to get a head fast and the ad comes up. $9.99, to even $0.99! And you click it and bam, before you know it you’ve blown through 20, 30, even 50 bucks.

So, is it worth it? Well….. when your playing of course. But, when you are 2 weeks after looking at your transactions, not so much. So what do you do? Well, I have put myself on a self imposed game fast till the first of the year. I know I know, I don’t honestly think I can do it either but, I’m going to give it a shot and see if it makes a difference in things. Maybe, I’ll play some board games with my kids. Or even pull out Mario kart, I’m sure I have it somewhere.

When you see lights….

This morning I was trying to get onto the Interstate to go to work. There appeared to be an accident ahead. Everyone was stopped or going very slowly. To be expected right? Well, first I saw a motorcycle cop coming and I pulled a bit out the way and stopped. I also noticed that there was an ambulance, and fire truck not far away. So, I did what I thought was right and kept myself still.

Apparently, the person behind me thought that was the wrong move, they began blaring their horn at me. I’m sitting there thinking, “Are You Kidding Me?”. Clearly there are people ahead who are in need of help. And, help is trying to get to them. However, it seems that getting on with their life was more important.

You know, as I sat in traffic and waited to get by the accident, (which was quite bad and prompted a few prayers and a Hail Mary as Ms. Ragusa always taught me) I thought about other times where I was the one wanting to get by and get on with my life, with little or no patience, and my hand on the horn. I then told myself, Self! You’ve gotta stop that. There is more than just you in the world. It’s a nice thought, but I doubt I’ll always remember this, usually I am in a mad fire rush to get …. um… to get… somewhere!

Eye-opening way to work. The total time I spent in the back up was about 10 minutes, and I was not late to work. But, I understand the frustration of that person behind me with the horn. We all just want to move along, and get where we need to get. And, we think that everyone should just do the same? I’m not alone here right??? There are other people who are not horrible humans they are just very focused on getting to work, school, or wherever they need to get right???